What about the one who bullies?

Good Morning! Ever thought about the one who bullies someone? Most of the time the focus of a bullying situation is the target. Today I want to talk about the one who bullies and see what challenges they face.

Stop Bullying and the message in Shawn's Way

What is Bullying?

Last week I provided this definition of bullying. For starters, bullying is a lot more than teasing someone, but can seem like the same thing. Bullying is repeated behavior that is not wanted by the person receiving it (or the target).

There are different types of bullying. The four main ones are

  • physical
  • verbal
  • social
  • cyberbullying

Most of the bullying for kids and teens took place during or after school until cyberbullying became more popular. Now it can happen twenty-four hours a day with the internet and social media.

Bullying and teasing others isn’t a new phenomenon, it has been going on for years. Why do we continue to let it happen? One of the common reasons we hear is, it is just letting kids be kids. What? It is letting kids be mean to other kids. I think my mom always told me to be nice to others. And do onto others as you would have them do onto you. Why can’t people just be kind others?

Why does someone become someone who bullies?

Every bullying incident is a two sided affair. Have you ever wondered why a bully choses a target to bully? The reasons are as unique as the people involved. Most of the time, it is due to the fact that the one who bullies has some issue they are dealing with in their own lives that they are having a hard time with. Things like

  • Being bullied at home by a parent or a sibling
  • Something they get angry about and don’t have a productive outlet for that anger
  • Decide to pick on someone because they are different or inferior to themselves to pick up their own self esteem

Take a look at Josh’s Story for an example. When Josh finds out that he will no longer be on the Mulston varsity baseball team, he becomes angry. He knows that the reason he isn’t allowed back on the team for his senior year isn’t about his abilities; it is a consequence of something he did last fall. Instead of talking to someone about how he felt or owning what he did and accepting his consequence, he picked someone to take it out on instead. That was Shawn.

Not to say that any of those reasons makes it right to bully someone, but to help put an end to it, we need to look at both sides of the equation.

One who bullies image

How do we know if our teen is one who bullies others? Take a look at this article in Reader’s Digest for 10 warning signs to look for. 10 Warning Signs Your Child is a Bully.

What can we do to stop bullying?

According to StopBullying.gov, when adults respond quickly and consistently to bullying behavior they send the message that it is not acceptable. Research shows this can stop bullying behavior over time.

When you are faced with this situation, here is some information from stopbullying.gov,

Coach your teen to talk about how they feel

Create an open and safe place for your teen to talk to you or another caring adult about how they feel. This will give them a place to come and talk about what is happening and get help working out a solution to their situation. Here are some things to mention to them.

  • Talk to your parent, teacher, or an adult you trust. Be honest about how you feel. This helps you feel less alone and the adult can help you come up with a plan to stop the bullying
  • Keep talking! Don’t keep your feelings inside. Keep the communication between your parent or trusted adult open. Don’t face it alone!
  • Give them a teen help line number to have on their phone. This will be a good resource for them to have whether it is them or someone else who is the one doing the bullying.
  • Be a good listener. The reasons they are picking on other teens may have something to do with what is happening at home.

And, be sure to be okay with the fact that your teen may not come to you to get help. Sometimes it is easier for them to reach out to someone else. Support them in the fact they are getting help.

Are you looking for resources for teen issues like bullying? Check out our resource page on Mentoring A Dream – Resources.

Josh tells his side in Josh’s Story

Whether it is positive or negative, reading a book or story about how someone else deals with a challenge can help us. Not only to see that other people face the same challenges, but give us an idea on how to deal with it ourselves.

Josh’s Story is a short story in The Way Series by Selma P. Verde. In Shawn’s Way, we learn about how Shawn navigates being a target of Josh’s anger towards being removed from the varsity baseball team. In Josh’s Story, we hear about what Josh was facing. Monica Freberg, a local area teacher, takes the time to find out what caused this bullying situation by listening to both sides.

Josh's Story Cover
Cover Design by Jennifer Givner at Acapella Book Cover Design

The Way Series – Selma P. Verde

This Friday, June 28th, Josh’s Story will become available for purchase on Amazon. Be sure to follow Selma’s Instagram account for more details.

Have a great week!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Discover more from Selma P. Verde

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading